She Sees Through Shadows
by Stunt Muppet
Summary: Alexx sees what nobody else can. A series of five Alexxcentric ficlets, all with the theme of shadows and light.
1. No Shadows Here

A/N: "She Sees Through Shadows" is a series of five Alexx-centric ficlets, all built around the theme of shadow and light, written for the Fic Variations LiveJournal Community Challenge. Each takes place at a different point in the series.

Part 1: No Shadows Here

Words: 408

Rating: PG-13

Author's Notes: Takes place sometime after Season 3; Spoilers up to there

* * *

Shadows are the most flattering thing you can wear. Shadows mask flaws and irregular bits; they let light settle on smooth surfaces and soft curves; they make every color look better. 

There are no shadows in the morgue. Too many fluorescent lights, too many reflective surfaces. There's light everywhere, because otherwise Alexx can't do her job right.

And her job is to peek into whatever it was that the people lying on the slab wanted concealed. Holes from hypodermics along their arms. A suspicious cut hidden under clothing and hair. And, her personal favorite, the 17-year-old in the Catholic school uniform with hickeys the size of tennis balls on her shoulders. Sneaking out while Mom was asleep, no doubt. And wasn't that what you were supposed to do when you were 17?

Of course, in the bright lights around her, she also gets an unrivaled view of what's been done to them. But you don't become a coroner if you can't handle a messily ruptured intestine at least.

Inside the morgue, even the living can't hide behind shadows. And just by noticing on her coworkers what she notices on the bodies, she's come to know more about them then they ever would tell her. She doesn't ask questions because she doesn't have to.

She sees that poised, confident Calleigh hasn't slept in days, and she's started to bite on her manicured fingernails. She is nervous, and she is unused to nervousness. The world has shaken under her feet, and she's still trying to get her balance back.

She sees that Eric is more frazzled than he'll admit and is by now running on café cubano. (Not espresso. Never espresso. Espresso is for pansies who can't handle café cubano.) And his badge is very securely clipped to his belt, on his side so his arm brushes against it and he can make sure it's there.

She sees that Ryan has cut most of his hair clean off; he says it's easier to take care of, but she can see by the way he keeps checking his profile that he's trying to look clean, authoritative, like he belongs here.

She sees that John has been bearing the weight of secrets and silence for far too long. It has collapsed him, slumped him, tensed his back and his shoulders. It has put a hole in his head.

It's amazing what you can see in people once their shadows are stripped away.

* * *


	2. Not Exactly a Vacation

Title: Not Exactly a Vacation

Word Count: 490

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Up to " Rio"; takes place shortly before the beginning of Season 5

* * *

It's Horatio's last day at work today. After that he's on leave.

Technically, it's paid vacation – all those saved-up sick days came in handy – but you can't really call it vacation when he's taking time off to mourn his murdered wife.

She's heard the explanation he gave the higher-ups. There are still arrangements that need to be made; coping with the loss has been more difficult than he thought; he only came back when he did because he wanted to be there for the Noche bust. They didn't object; how could they? So they gave him the time off he needed, provided that he didn't ask for more after that.

And tomorrow that time off begins, and he'll head off to Brazil – everyone in the lab knows that, though the supervisors don't. And in spite of everything he says to the contrary he's well aware of what he's going there to do.

So is Alexx.

He's never told her, but she knows. The shadow that fell over him when Marisol died has sharpened, hardened from grief and sorrow to grim determination and murderous hate. It's only a shadow, true; never once has he let it overtake him. But it's visible nonetheless, visible enough to tell her that he's leaving not to bring a man to justice but to kill him.

She's tried all week to think of a way to tell him not to do it. There was a time when his secret would have been safe here, but it isn't anymore. Someone will find out about it eventually, and then they can all kiss their lives goodbye. And no matter how much the victim deserved it, murder's still murder – he's said that himself, to who knows how many killers with revenge on their minds. Has he forgotten?

But she'd kept her mouth shut. If it had been your husband, your children, she'd reasoned, would anybody be able to change your mind?

Even if it had been her husband and her children, she isn't sure she'd be doing this.

If someone took away the people she loved, of course she'd want them dead. But it's one thing to wish death on someone else, quite another to put the bullet in their brain yourself.

That takes something she doesn't want to possess.

She finally finds him just before he leaves for the day, and says his name once to get his attention. He turns to face her; there is no expression on his face.

She wants to say _stop, don't do this, stay here_, but for once she cannot speak her mind. That sharp and heavy shadow has settled in again; there's nothing she can do or say that can reach him now.

So she simply says, "Be careful."

He doesn't look surprised that she knows. He only nods, says "I will," and heads out the door.

She wonders if the shadow will ever lift.


	3. Pale

Title: Pale

Wordcount: 194

Rating: PG

Spoilers: "Lost Son"

* * *

They always look so pale when they come to her. Faces like ashes, lividity spots like raindrops under chalk-white skin. She knows why that is, scientifically; years of training and medical research tells her that. But seeing that pale skin is like watching the life drain from them, watching them become shells, like mannequins painted a shade too light. 

It's why she started talking to them – to make sure she always remembered they were people. And by now she doesn't need the reminder.

Especially not with him, because twenty-four hours ago he was standing on the other side of the table, looking down on someone else's body.

And now she has to try to un-learn what she's been learning for years.

He's too pale. He's too still. It's not Tim Speedle there, it's only a shell. A mannequin. Tim Speedle's gone. It's only a body. Just the raw machinery of a human being.

It doesn't work. They were all somebody once; somebody's son, somebody's brother, somebody's friend. But this time she knew who the somebody was. And cutting him open meant that somebody was finally, totally gone.

She's not ready. She might never be.

* * *


	4. Renovations

TItle: Renovations

Word Count: 388

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Up to the beginning of Season 4, since that's when it takes place.

* * *

Nobody seemed to like the renovations. 

Oh, sure, when they asked each other about it, they'd exchange the usual niceties about how lovely it all was. It was unique; it was different; it let in the light so much better, made this place look less like a cave; it made the whole lab absolutely glow at sunset.

But Alexx knew they were lying. Some of the lab techs kept the shades down 24/7, for what little privacy that afforded. She had seen Horatio roaming the central corridor with a disapproving look on his face, muttering words like "fire hazard" to himself (though why it was a fire hazard, and what exactly he expected to catch fire, she hadn't yet asked). And just a few days ago she'd found Ryan, furiously Windexing the glass panels and cursing to himself when he thought no one was looking.

It bothered her a little, but she could manage; the morgue had changed fairly little compared to the rest of the building, and she could work fine so long as all the essentials were still where they needed to be.

No, it wasn't that it didn't function. The new building made her uneasy because it was a reminder: This isn't where you used to work, and these aren't the people you used to work with. Speed was dead. Hagen was dead. Yelina was God knows where. And everyone else, herself included, was still reeling, retreating until it was all safe again, if it would ever be. They'd all taken three steps back, and it's funny how different everyone looks from that distance.

And, of course, there was the knowledge, hanging over all their heads, that these glass walls were just the microscope lenses that the world was watching them through. The death of one officer, the suicide of another, and the mysterious retirement of yet a third – not to mention Horatio's near-miss suspension for police brutality – have put them all in the public eye. Their every move could be seized on and inspected, scoured for some evidence of wrongdoing or incompetence. There were no more secrets, because there was nothing to hide them behind.

She used to be okay with being watched. But before, it was always by someone she knew.

For the first time in years, Alexx wanted nothing more than to go home.

* * *


	5. Day Dawns Bright

Title: Day Dawns Bright

Word Count: 139

Rating: G

Spoilers: None

Author's Notes: I forget which website/fan resource says this, but I'm going with the version of events that has Alexx living away from her family (because her family and her job are not in the same place). I have no idea if this is correct, because I don't think it's ever been explained, but I'm rolling with it.

* * *

When Alexx bought her apartment in Miami, she made sure that the bedroom window faced west. The day dawned too bright here, and she didn't want to wake up to the searing orange sun that early in the morning. Waking up was hard enough without that light in her eyes.

But the westward window let her enjoy the evenings that lasted forever. During the summers she got home before nightfall. The evening, the sunset, and the cool of the night were her own.

She left the window open as she lay in bed sometimes, and let the sea breezes flow in. It was one of the bright sides of living here.

She tried to remember those bright sides. They were her reminder of why she took this job. They made the days alone in her house that much easier.

* * *


End file.
